Are you running on empty?

When you're driving down the street and you see this on your dashboard, what do you do?

Let me guess. You...

1. Ignore it.
2. Tell your car to stop being stupid, suck it up, and keep going.
3. Tell your car that it can get gas after it gets to to your next destination.
4. Think about all the other people who should have taken care of this for you.
5. Blame others for your empty gas tank.

Or, do you...

      6. Just fill the gas tank?

My guess is that your typical choice is #6. It's possible you spend time blaming others for using your car and using up your gas, but chances are even if that comes up, you inevitably go to the gas station and deal with the situation.

And why is that?

Because your car freaking needs gas and that's a clear situation you have to and can fix (assuming you have a gas station in your vicinity, and a few bucks to throw at the meter).

If you don't fill up your gas tank, most likely this is what is going to happen next:

Yup, you're going to be stuck on the side of the road, out of luck, potentially with only a toddler to give you a hand. Luckily, this is the type of thing that is easily avoided by regularly refueling your tank well before the light even comes on!

This is the same exact thing that's needed for us humans. We all need refueling. Chances are you are well acquainted with the fact that we all need to eat food and drink water. These are requirements of human functioning.

That's not all, though. We also need:

• sleep
• affection
• recognition
• hobbies
• creativity
• pursuits
• goals
• interests
• entertainment
• connection
• among other things!

There are a number of categories of refueling that we need:

1. Emotional refueling
2. Intellectual refueling
3. Connection refueling
4. Centering refueling

  Emotional Refueling

• This supports and validates your current emotional state and well-being
• Activities to refuel your emotional well-being
• Journaling
• Calling a friend and sharing your current worries and triumphs
• Yoga
• Listening to music
• Watching an uplifting or meaningful movie
• Cuddling with pets
• Hugging

Intellectual Refueling

• This supports your intellectual pursuits and personal growth
• Activities to refuel your intellectual well
• Reading - novels, nonfiction, magazines
• Finding new blogs to read
• Watching political debates or the news 
• Learning a new language
• Learning about a different culture
• Traveling
• Setting goals

 Connection Refueling

• This supports your connection to other people and to the world
• Activities to refuel your connection to the world
• Organize a dinner or potluck
• Call a friend
• Go to a dance class
• Exercise in a public place where there are others exercising
• Say "hi" to a stranger
• Volunteer at a local animal shelter, soup kitchen, or other organization
• Plan a trip to visit family
• Bake something for your neighbors or invite them over for dinner/drinks
• Go to a local sports event or happy hour

Centering Refueling 

•  This supports your connection to yourself, your dreams and wishes, and your higher power, if you choose to identify with one  
• Activities to refuel your ability to stay centered
• Meditate, meditate, meditate
• Play an instrument
• Paint
• Draw
• Sing
• Go to a yoga class
• Visit a spiritual place - a church, temple, synagogue
• Enjoy nature - the mountains, the beach, a quiet trail
• Pray 

If you practice "topping off" your emotional well-being tanks regularly, instead of waiting for your body to crash with illness or stress or emotional freak outs, you will be far, far better off. You can start working on this today!

Practice one form of refueling from the above lists once a day. Pick an activity that sounds fun and try it out! Use your emotions as your guide to what best helps refuel you and list any other refueling activities you enjoy in the comments below :)

Emotional Avoidance: Strategies

We all use emotional avoidance at some point or other. It's part of being a socially functioning human. It's not possible or appropriate to unload your emotional reactions to everything, in every moment. However, the things we use to avoid our emotions are important. Here is one of the biggest emotional avoidance strategies out there...

Television

Most people have a show or two that they like - maybe even six or seven or many more that they like! Liking entertainment and TV is not a problem in and of itself. However, it is pretty common for people to use TV like a numbing agent. Instead of thinking over what they actually need and want in the moment, they plonk down on the couch and assume the zombie position.

Next time you feel yourself drawn to the TV, ask yourself, what do you really want?

• Want to laugh? Then don't just channel surf, pick something you know that is hilarious to you - whether that's Brian Regan, Louis CK, Modern Family, or Ren and Stimpy. Pick a program that gets you laughing.

• Want to "relax"? Well, let's talk about what "relaxing" means to you. I hear that word thrown around all the time - it's a buzz word and a lot of people don't really know what aspect of "relaxing" they are trying to achieve.
• Do you mean you want to quiet your mind? Try some of these activities which might quiet your mental chatter down better than the TV
• Meditation
• Giving yourself a massage
• Mindfulness exercises using a sensory object like a scented candle
• Stretching
• Exercising
• The TV is only putting MORE information IN - which will not quiet down your mind. It simply will not work beyond the time when your eyes are glued to the screen. 

• Do you mean you want to physically relax your muscles?
• Massage
• Exercise
• Stretch
• Warm bath or shower
• The TV will not physically relax your muscles - it just won't.

• Do you mean you just don't want to be working?
• Cook a nice dinner
• Go out to dinner
• Get involved with a creative project - draw, paint, dance, sing, make music
• Take a walk
• What else might you want from the TV? Want to smile? What makes you smile? Is it stories about families? Documentaries about animals? It's possible that some of the activities below might get you more of a long-lasting smile...
• Call a family member - an aunt, uncle, grandparent with whom you haven't connected in a while
• Call a close friend
• Go get coffee with an acquaintance to get to know them better

• Bake something for co-workers or friends
• Spend time with your own or a neighbor's pet
• Want some excitement?!?!?! Go on and pick a program that's exciting to you, but you can also factor in some of these activities to build more real exciting activities into your life
• Take some kind of risk. Try something new. Do any of these things sound risky to you?
• Public speaking? Take a class
• Meeting new people? Find something on meetup.com
• Outdoor adventures? Find a local hike to do, sign up for a windsurfing class
• Creating? Take an art class - learn to throw clay or draw

 

• Dress like you're someone exciting - do some of your favorite characters dress in a way that seems exciting, interesting, unique? Do that yourself! Make a new combination out of clothes you already have.  
  
• Want to connect with family members or your partner?
• Ask them how their day was - ask about their hopes and dreams and goals
• Play a board game 
• Plan a trip together
• Physically connect!

Take a look this week at how you're using the TV. If you're using it for some of the above reasons... think about substituting. The TV can be a good for certain forms of entertainment, but it isn't likely to bring much substance and quality to your life. This doesn't mean you need to throw the TV out the window, but start trying to add in some of the above activities and notice how it affects your mood and overall health.

Feel more, do less. :)