Down With New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!!!!

I hope 2014 brings optimism, joy, and excitement to you. You might also experience motivation, drive, and ambition. Once the New Year rolls around, we often experience the energy that comes with mentally "turning over a new leaf" and with that comes all sorts of self-improvement goals, commonly named, New Year's Resolutions.

However, we all know that New Year's Resolutions often quickly run out of steam. One reason for that is that they tend to employ the "cattle prod" method of growth. For how many years of your life have you told yourself that if you just work harder, focus better, have greater discipline, then you'll get what you want? My guess is - many. Why do I guess that? Because you're probably a reader from a Western culture, and those cultures tend to subscribe to a "no pain, no gain" mentality. Other ways this pops up is in thoughts or mottos like, "nothing worth doing is easy" and "work hard, play hard".

So, we go from celebration...

To determination....

and often, punishment, self-loathing, and exhaustion...

The most common resolutions are: lose weight, save more/spend less, exercise more, do better in work/get a new job, and eat healthy. These resolutions are usually based on the premise that we need to change something about us. We need to do better, work harder, become a better version of ourselves. I'm all for personal transformation and growth, but let's take it from a better perspective, yes? Also, let's see what Mr. Calvin has to say about this...

 

Ha, I love him.

But, seriously, if your ideas of change for 2014 are based in self-punishment and work harderism - think again. It's not going to be motivating for the long-term. It's important to connect to a deeper meaning of your resolution. Let's take weight loss - so you want to be thinner. Why? Weight loss is a means to an end - you must identify some kind of feeling that you believe you can't have unless your body is physically smaller. Or perhaps it's related to a health outcome such as diabetes or hypertension. So... why? Why weight loss? Here are some common beliefs people have attached to weighing less:

• I'll have more confidence
• I'll be able to wear my old clothes/more fun clothes
• I'll be better able to keep up with my friends/partner/children/grandchildren
• I'll attract the person of my dreams
• I'll show them who's not good enough

And so on...

Identify the why of your resolution and determine if it is based in self-love or based in self-criticism or self-loathing. You will get exhausted and discouraged so quickly if you are running away from your own negative voices. No amount of weight loss (or other achievement) can make them go away, I promise. If you think you're not good enough at 180 lbs., your mind will just adjust and say you're not good enough a 160 lbs., or with this job, or with this partner, and so on.

If your resolution is based in self-love (it feels good), then go for it. You will achieve great things. The more you can connect your resolution with loving and appreciating yourself, the more successful you will be.

And, you could also be like me, and take a continual, daily approach to self-improvement that is motivated by self-love and celebration of the possibilities of how awesome your life can be. Celebrate the fresh perspective of January, celebrate the champagne, the fireworks, and the kisses, and live each day with an aim towards mastering your own life and your own true passions. It's a wonderful life. :)

Creativity: I've been blocked.

It's been a while! And there's a reason for that - I've been blocked. Heard this word "blocked" before? I had - I'd heard it described as "writer's block" and I had previously considered it to be (excuse the judgments) phony, flakey, wishy washy language. I didn't get it before, but I get it now.

I've only ever heard of being "blocked" among artistic circles, but I think it absolutely applies to any situation in which a human being is trying to "produce" something - whether that be a song, a painting, an opinion in a meeting, an insight in therapy, a meal, a baked good... and so on. For me, I was and still am for the most part, completely blocked in my research life. Which is a big part of my life currently.

Being "blocked" is kind of like feeling paralyzed in a particular area. You can move and speak about all sorts of things unrelated to your project of focus, but once you get towards trying to make progress towards your goal, you just can't. It feels impossible. It feels awful. You start making alllll sorts of excuses. Procrastination comes in the form of all sorts of things, whether it be "healthy" like exercising or taking baths or reading, or unhealthy, like drinking or oversleeping. I put quotes around "healthy" there to signify that while those habits are great for you, if they are in the service of actively avoiding something you are blocked around, it's not going to do as much good as it could. Then, once your latest procrastination strategy is complete or finished, you're back to that same old paralyzed feeling of anxiety and guilt and anger.

You may have felt a wave of indifference come on about this project. "I don't care anyways. This isn't what I truly want to do. This is a waste of time. These people judging me don't know what they're talking about anyways..." or "I'm so terrible, no one will read or look or listen to this anyways, what's the point of even trying?" and so on and so on.

I read about being blocked this week in The Artist's Way, a great book about creativity. It suggested two primary things to do when feeling blocked.

First, ask for help. Just ask for freaking help! Everyone has experienced this at some point or other, and many people use this as an excuse to run away entirely. You can do that, but you may have regrets. If you want to move through and past this block, ask others what they have done when they have hit walls in their productivity or creative process. You might find that one of your teachers or people you admire might have some really helpful insights.

Second, acknowledge that there are fears blocking you. They may be fears of failure, fears of success, or both. Either way, those fears are blocking your way completely and until you are able to identify and name the monsters (fears) blocking your path, you are going to be stuck. Take some time to answer the following questions about the project that you are stuck on:

1. What are all the resentments you have towards this project? No matter how big or small or seemingly petty, write all the things that make you angry about this project and anyone it is connected to.

2. What are all the things you're scared about with this project and anyone connected to it? Scared of failing? Scared of succeeding and what that might mean for you?

3. Did you miss anything? Anything other hang ups about this project?

4. What are you gaining by avoiding this project? Sympathy from others? Avoiding criticism, judgment, or failing? How is this block truly benefitting you? It must be benefitting you in some way (even a small way), otherwise you wouldn't be avoiding.

This exercise has helped me so far. Just today, I submitted an abstract to a conference and started revising a paper to submit. Also, I'm here, writing on this blog. It's been a while since I've been willing to go anywhere near any of these projects, so this is good progress.

Here's to naming our monsters and moving forward even though they might still be standing there!