Creativity: I've been blocked.

It's been a while! And there's a reason for that - I've been blocked. Heard this word "blocked" before? I had - I'd heard it described as "writer's block" and I had previously considered it to be (excuse the judgments) phony, flakey, wishy washy language. I didn't get it before, but I get it now.

I've only ever heard of being "blocked" among artistic circles, but I think it absolutely applies to any situation in which a human being is trying to "produce" something - whether that be a song, a painting, an opinion in a meeting, an insight in therapy, a meal, a baked good... and so on. For me, I was and still am for the most part, completely blocked in my research life. Which is a big part of my life currently.

Being "blocked" is kind of like feeling paralyzed in a particular area. You can move and speak about all sorts of things unrelated to your project of focus, but once you get towards trying to make progress towards your goal, you just can't. It feels impossible. It feels awful. You start making alllll sorts of excuses. Procrastination comes in the form of all sorts of things, whether it be "healthy" like exercising or taking baths or reading, or unhealthy, like drinking or oversleeping. I put quotes around "healthy" there to signify that while those habits are great for you, if they are in the service of actively avoiding something you are blocked around, it's not going to do as much good as it could. Then, once your latest procrastination strategy is complete or finished, you're back to that same old paralyzed feeling of anxiety and guilt and anger.

You may have felt a wave of indifference come on about this project. "I don't care anyways. This isn't what I truly want to do. This is a waste of time. These people judging me don't know what they're talking about anyways..." or "I'm so terrible, no one will read or look or listen to this anyways, what's the point of even trying?" and so on and so on.

I read about being blocked this week in The Artist's Way, a great book about creativity. It suggested two primary things to do when feeling blocked.

First, ask for help. Just ask for freaking help! Everyone has experienced this at some point or other, and many people use this as an excuse to run away entirely. You can do that, but you may have regrets. If you want to move through and past this block, ask others what they have done when they have hit walls in their productivity or creative process. You might find that one of your teachers or people you admire might have some really helpful insights.

Second, acknowledge that there are fears blocking you. They may be fears of failure, fears of success, or both. Either way, those fears are blocking your way completely and until you are able to identify and name the monsters (fears) blocking your path, you are going to be stuck. Take some time to answer the following questions about the project that you are stuck on:

1. What are all the resentments you have towards this project? No matter how big or small or seemingly petty, write all the things that make you angry about this project and anyone it is connected to.

2. What are all the things you're scared about with this project and anyone connected to it? Scared of failing? Scared of succeeding and what that might mean for you?

3. Did you miss anything? Anything other hang ups about this project?

4. What are you gaining by avoiding this project? Sympathy from others? Avoiding criticism, judgment, or failing? How is this block truly benefitting you? It must be benefitting you in some way (even a small way), otherwise you wouldn't be avoiding.

This exercise has helped me so far. Just today, I submitted an abstract to a conference and started revising a paper to submit. Also, I'm here, writing on this blog. It's been a while since I've been willing to go anywhere near any of these projects, so this is good progress.

Here's to naming our monsters and moving forward even though they might still be standing there!