Down With New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!!!!

I hope 2014 brings optimism, joy, and excitement to you. You might also experience motivation, drive, and ambition. Once the New Year rolls around, we often experience the energy that comes with mentally "turning over a new leaf" and with that comes all sorts of self-improvement goals, commonly named, New Year's Resolutions.

However, we all know that New Year's Resolutions often quickly run out of steam. One reason for that is that they tend to employ the "cattle prod" method of growth. For how many years of your life have you told yourself that if you just work harder, focus better, have greater discipline, then you'll get what you want? My guess is - many. Why do I guess that? Because you're probably a reader from a Western culture, and those cultures tend to subscribe to a "no pain, no gain" mentality. Other ways this pops up is in thoughts or mottos like, "nothing worth doing is easy" and "work hard, play hard".

So, we go from celebration...

To determination....

and often, punishment, self-loathing, and exhaustion...

The most common resolutions are: lose weight, save more/spend less, exercise more, do better in work/get a new job, and eat healthy. These resolutions are usually based on the premise that we need to change something about us. We need to do better, work harder, become a better version of ourselves. I'm all for personal transformation and growth, but let's take it from a better perspective, yes? Also, let's see what Mr. Calvin has to say about this...

 

Ha, I love him.

But, seriously, if your ideas of change for 2014 are based in self-punishment and work harderism - think again. It's not going to be motivating for the long-term. It's important to connect to a deeper meaning of your resolution. Let's take weight loss - so you want to be thinner. Why? Weight loss is a means to an end - you must identify some kind of feeling that you believe you can't have unless your body is physically smaller. Or perhaps it's related to a health outcome such as diabetes or hypertension. So... why? Why weight loss? Here are some common beliefs people have attached to weighing less:

• I'll have more confidence
• I'll be able to wear my old clothes/more fun clothes
• I'll be better able to keep up with my friends/partner/children/grandchildren
• I'll attract the person of my dreams
• I'll show them who's not good enough

And so on...

Identify the why of your resolution and determine if it is based in self-love or based in self-criticism or self-loathing. You will get exhausted and discouraged so quickly if you are running away from your own negative voices. No amount of weight loss (or other achievement) can make them go away, I promise. If you think you're not good enough at 180 lbs., your mind will just adjust and say you're not good enough a 160 lbs., or with this job, or with this partner, and so on.

If your resolution is based in self-love (it feels good), then go for it. You will achieve great things. The more you can connect your resolution with loving and appreciating yourself, the more successful you will be.

And, you could also be like me, and take a continual, daily approach to self-improvement that is motivated by self-love and celebration of the possibilities of how awesome your life can be. Celebrate the fresh perspective of January, celebrate the champagne, the fireworks, and the kisses, and live each day with an aim towards mastering your own life and your own true passions. It's a wonderful life. :)