Emotional Acceptance: What You Resist, Persists.

In the previous posts, I presented information on emotional functioning and emotional awareness. We talked about the function of emotions:

• to inform you of your interpretation of events
• to motivate behavior and give you urges to do something to feel better

How we are feeling in any situation gives important insight into our thought processes behind all of our experiences. If I have a strong belief that the world is dangerous, I'm going to get very upset when cut off in traffic, because it hits on that trigger point for me, making me feel threatened. However, if I have a strong belief in my own safety and security, if I get cut off in traffic, it may be surprising or startling, but it's not necessarily going to push me to the brink of road rage.

Speaking of road rage - that's where the urges come in. Emotions are almost always paired with urges to do stuff. Fix it! Get revenge! Apologize! Make it better! The urges come in many forms, and sometimes they're helpful. However, oftentimes they are not. Fear and anxiety often come with urges to self-medicate (drugs, drinks), numb out (TV), or retreat (isolate, withdraw), when those behaviors are unlikely to long-term help your circumstances.

Finally, emotions can serve to validate us. Oftentimes we seek to deny the way we perceive things to ourselves. Not necessarily consciously, but our mind is so quick to distract us from uncomfortable or distressing feelings. By getting further in touch with our emotional experience, we're improving our ability to understand our perspective, and this help us to improve circumstances to improve our feeling state.

Also, we've essentially been taught to repress our emotions in order to get ahead in life. Hate your job? Too bad, work harder. That's the modern way. The only way through the mud is through it. It's hard to say whether or not that's right - it probably depends on the person and circumstances. However, if you are slogging through the mud of your life, constantly looking for the silver lining and ignoring the fact that your shoes are full of mud and blisters are forming and the mosquitoes just won't quit... things are can get pretty crappy for you. Why? Because if you are constantly ignoring and repressing your emotions, they're going to come out in other ways.

They can come out in some of the following ways:

• migraines
• chronic back pain
• skin disorders
• acne
• eczema
• psoriasis
• autoimmune disorders
• addictions
• drugs
• alcohol
• sex
• gambling
• shopping
• loss of productivity
•  TV
• napping

Sucks, right? The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way. With greater emotional awareness, we can use the emotional experience to fuel positive changes in our lives and move away from getting what we call somatic (bodily) effects of negative emotions.

To get there, we need to cultivate emotional acceptance.

Acceptance means: to acknowledge as present.

Acceptance does not mean: to approve of, to like, to want more of.

I'm not asking you to love your anger, enjoy your jealousy, or luxuriate in your anxiety. I'm just simply suggesting instead that you try to accept and nonjudgmentally notice when it is showing up.

We all want to push away our negative experiences. However, as Carl Jung said, "what you resist, persists." The harder you push against something, the harder it fights for your attention.

In order to leave someplace, we must first arrive there. Therefore, we must fully accept and feel that we are angry, in order to move into a less angry, calmer place. It's a necessary stepping stone that modern society has asked us to skip. That's not working, though. We can all see that.

It's not working to bypass your feelings - that's why you're reading this, because you can feel in your gut that that's true.

Let's start just by accepting that emotions are a part of all human experience. Emotions are non-negotiable, and once you have an alliance with them, they're invaluable.  Practice noticing, labeling, and accepting your emotions without pushing them away. We'll chat about tools you can use to soothe them in a later post.

Feel more, do less, friends.