Forgiveness: Essential to Emotional Freedom

Almost every single one of us walks around with a hidden pile of resentments and hurts lingering in the back of our minds. Those grudges can be quite easily accessible in certain relationships, such as with a partner with whom we always bicker, or can be stuffed back in the recesses of our memory from experiences we had as children or adolescents.

These resentments serve to drag our potential down. There is a saying, it takes two to make a prisoner. There is no such thing as a singular prisoner. There is the prisoner, and then there is the jailer. If you are holding resentments towards another person, you are holding them in a kind of prison in your mind. And, unfortunately, the side effect of this is that you are serving as the jailer. You hold the key, keeping them present in your mind. If this person is currently still in your life, chances are you are even more like a jailer in that you are likely constantly watching the prisoner, waiting for them to misstep again, further supporting your reason to hold resentment.

Another saying is that if you are keeping someone "on the hook" for something, you're automatically stuck on the hook, too. In order to take yourself off the hook and let go of that painful memory, you have to let them off the hook, too.

This isn't a conscious process, but it's a human process. If we can shine a flashlight on these mental processes, we can get better at holding the key to deliberately reshaping our thinking, and therefore our experience of our reality.

Sometimes the idea of forgiving an offender would make us balk. "But I could never forgive. It was too awful, too terrible. That person is too bad; I refuse to forgive."

It is true that some things in our lives can feel awful and terrible. Forgiveness does not require you to like or include that person in your life any longer. Forgiveness is a tool for releasing yourself. Ask yourself, what are the advantages to holding onto this resentment, anger, and rage?

And what are the disadvantages? In what ways might this resentment be holding me back?

Typically, one of the advantages is that people feel justified in being hurt. They also might, in an unconscious way, find a benefit in remaining a "victim" in their own mind. However, forgiveness does not require you to negate any suffering you experienced. And it also doesn't force you to change any particular behaviors.

Some of the disadvantages of not forgiving is it keeps us stuck in the past. Also, it keeps you "bound" to something to want to push away. Our resentment is a form of attachment, tying us to those who we dislike or who we think have hurt us in some way. The stronger you resent, the more present will reminders and memories of this hurt be. Resentment keeps the past alive, forgiveness releases it and lets you move on.

As you go through your daily life, notice where resentment pops up. A need for forgiveness may also pop up as jealousy, self-righteousness, and contempt. Notice these feelings when they show up - they are telling you something important.

Feel more, do less :)