However, not long ago, I wouldn't have been able to truly tell you the things I thought were luxurious. Or, if I did, I would have told you things with an air of contempt. Why? Because I was languishing in denial for a while.
What was the purpose of my denial? It wasn't conscious. I didn't realize I was doing it, but whenever I saw an item I wanted, I felt angry and jealous. What was underneath that? (Hint: it's fear. There's always some kind of fear underneath anger and jealousy.) I believed I was never going to be able to get the things that I wanted. It felt awful to be in contact with those emotions - fear that I'll never get what I want, anger and jealousy towards those people who did have what I wanted. So, in turn, I gathered together contempt for things I actually wanted. (Again, this is not a conscious process - it's emotional and so very, very quick.)
I would roll my eyes at Starbucks and dislike them for being "corporate" - whatever that means. I would glorify shopping in secondhand stores and see people who got new clothing as wasteful. I would see nice houses and ample space as "frivolous." I spent a lot of time focusing on how luxury items and experiences were selfish, frivolous, and superficial. It felt crappy and I felt poor, but it felt better than being scared and jealous all the time.
Note: this is what denial is. It is a place of relief (even if that relief isn't all that great) until you are ready to really own up to your true feelings and the beliefs driving them.
Finally, I realized that this contempt wasn't serving me and that I truly did want nice things in my life. I started to play with luxury items. And by luxury, I mean luxurious to me. Through my denial I had developed a very ascetic perspective on money and life, so I had to go slowly for it to be comfortable.
I started incorporating items that made me happy, just because. Candles represent that for me - they are purely decorative and for enjoyment. They serve no other purpose (given that we have electricity) besides making an area more pleasant to the senses. I started going on walks with a friend at work and she introduced me to the glory of iced lattes. I'd only ever had hot lattes before and was completely in love with them over ice. Not only did I get to connect with this wonderful soul, Cathy, but I got to enjoy something that felt truly luxurious - cafe-produced espresso drinks.
As I kept playing with luxury, I was able to see the beliefs that had been underneath my jealousy all of those years. I had distorted beliefs about money being evil. Those who had money were categorized as selfish and mean in my mind. I started to counteract those beliefs by realizing that my being poor served no one and feeling deprived and grumpy served no one, as well. I also started learning more about the immense good that can come from money - and if you have lots of money (ahem, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation), then you can produce lots of good things. I also started recognizing all of the wonderful things that come from companies and corporations - technology has advanced immensely through a for-profit private sector.
I keep bringing more and more luxury into my life and am loving it. It's important to do this gradually and in a way that feels purely good. It won't be helpful to you or your belief structure if you just go on spending sprees that are not based in what is truly feasible for your income. Notice any time you disparage or roll your eyes at the spending of someone else - what's really going on there? If you are deeming something frivolous, you may have a limiting belief that's coming up and is asking for your attention.
What do you find luxurious? It doesn't have to depend on lots or any money. Long walks, time to read a library book, time with friends or family, all of these things can be forms of luxury.
To close this post, here are some luxurious images for you to enjoy. I encourage you to collect some of your own. :)
Add some luxury to your life today. It's good for you and everybody else - I promise. :)
I love it! (And Starbucks should sponsor you...)
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