The Pitfalls of So-Called "Just Think Positive" Thoughts

I've heard this so many times from clients. "I'm just trying to stay positive." "Positive energy is what I want." "I don't want to think negative."

The intention here is to feel better. To think more balanced thoughts. To be happier. I get that and I completely support that intention.

However, the "just think positive" method isn't going to get you there. Unspoken and implied in the "just think positive" method is "don't think negative!" There's a silent admonishment of negative thoughts and feelings. Many of my clients blame themselves and feel guilty for thinking negative thoughts on a regular basis. And, unfortunately, the "just think positive" method doesn't truly change those thoughts.

"Just think positive" relies on denial. It relies on you denying that you are actually feeling crappy about a certain thing. By denying and trying to push away the negative feelings and thoughts, you make those negative thoughts and feelings confusing, vague, and unknown. It's like having a cavity in your tooth and you don't know how big it is, but you're just going to put a glaze of white frosting over the tooth so it looks OK. It's also like trying to fight in a boxing match, but you don't know how big your opponent is, or where he is, or what he's doing!

Here's another metaphor to help. If a builder wants to build a beautiful home, the builder must take a look at the foundation and the land. Are there holes in the ground? Is the ground level? Stable? Are there places to start laying the foundation and the beginning beams where they will be secure?

By saying to yourself, "just think positive" you are ignoring the foundational level. You are trying to build a beautiful house of positive thoughts, feelings, and energy, but the beautiful elements you add to the house are just going to keep slipping down into the sink hole until you actually take a look at your foundation.

That's sad to see, right? What a beautiful home. That builder spent tons of energy designing this gorgeous home, painting it a lovely blue and building a front porch for enjoyment. But, all of that positively-focused energy is misled by not allowing adequate time to build up the foundation and clear it of termites, fill in the holes, and assure that it is sound and stable.


So, how do we strengthen our emotional foundation? Well, first with patience. When you feel a negative emotion, your first reaction will likely be to deny it. That's a natural human response to negative feelings, and it's OK to entertain that process for a brief amount of time (for most circumstances, I'm talking hours, days, maybe weeks - not years). Once the denial period has outlasted its helpfulness for you (which you will sense over time), it's time to allow yourself to feel those negative feelings and look at the negative thoughts that are coming up. What do those negative thoughts tell you about your mental filters? What do those negative thoughts tell you about the beliefs that you're walking around with? Are those beliefs really helping you? Maybe it's time to let them go.

Our foundational beliefs are so, so important. Please don't neglect them and ignore them using the "just think positive"/("don't think negative") method. Positive thoughts will come. But, first thing's first: take a look at the negative thoughts so you can gain insight into the distorted beliefs that are producing them!

I don't know about you, but this is the kind of emotional house I want to build. And if I get to live in one that looks like this in the physical world, I'm all for that! :)